i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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