i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
