LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
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No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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