you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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