i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
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I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
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I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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