OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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