actually, I'm a sock model
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
