I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
