thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
