somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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