A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
