Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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