I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
