Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
