maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
