it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
