I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
3 2 1 whiskey
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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