He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
