isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
