i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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