Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
