First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
