i just wanna soil my oats bro
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
