only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
