I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
