this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
