Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
