"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You ruined the universe
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
