Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
