i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
