ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
