i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
