Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We are two peas in an std pod
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
