this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
