me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i think im in europe. pls send help
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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