I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
