Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
