Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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