I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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