so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sorry my hands just texted you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
