My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
