I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize