I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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