Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
