So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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