I seem to have left my pride at pride
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
