she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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