Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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