Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
