i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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