the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
