The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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