I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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