The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
