You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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