i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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