I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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