Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
