Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize