woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
