Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize