I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
