I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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