My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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