There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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