PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
