If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
