i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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