I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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