Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
