I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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