Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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