my mouth tastes like poor choices
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
