My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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