I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
