I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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