Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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